Bonnie Tyler

On Tuesday, this Tuesday I was planning on doing something that would have, inevitably, changed my life. It wasn't like it was a 'bad' thing or anything... well that kind of depends on who you talk to about it. Really, it's just a matter of opinion. And well, I thought I was going to do it, and its been going on for about a year now. But, now Tuesday is when it'll all become even more different- like the next stage. I know what I wanted out of it when, i guess, the 'first stage' happened. But honestly, with Tuesday nearing, I know that this is not what I wanted- not what I first pictured would have happened. Instead I have a feeling that if i go through with it, I will look down on myself and regret it forever. I don't know why it took me so long to realise. I mean, okay yeah, deep down I knew what I was doing and it felt like the people who didn't know... were kind of telling me their opinions on the matter in such a way, when we weren't specifically even talking about it.. Anyways, it took about a year and a half for me to finally go out and not be afraid of losing that person. If they really were my friend like they say they are, they would understand. This type of thing, just isn't for me because yeah I'm the type of girl that believes in happily ever afters with a prince on his stallion coming to save you, or the other way around whatever. Obviously, I'm too patient a person. Waiting for something that just won't happen. And this afternoon at 3.50pm I was listening to Bonnie Tyler's song 'Total Eclipse of the Heart'and I sobbed. And then i thought back to the TV shows I watched in the previous days and they all somehow related to my situation, telling me what i already knew. I can't do Tuesday. Not anymore. I just hope, that we'll still be friends. But you know what, even if we aren't anymore I don't care. I have other friends too, and FAMILY. So I guess this is kind of like my 'goodbye' to one brief chapter, and 'hello' to hopefully how it was before. I want to be carefree again, and not worried etcera. It's tiring. And more importantly, I need to focus this year. Thank you Bonnie Tyler, and co. for FINALLY making me be less afraid.