uni

GREAT, JUST BECAUSE I'M NOT ELIGIBLE FOR YOUTH ALLOWANCE, I CAN'T APPLY FOR THE UNE/USYD ALTERNATIVE ENTRY PATHWAY. how the hell is that fair. I mean there are people i know who are eligible for youth allowance WHO get A'S all round! It seems like equity has a thinly lined definition. Whatever. This may have disheartened me (thanks a lot), but... No there are buts. This just sucks.

Bday

It's meh birthday :) Just thought I'd say it today in 2012, because you (I) only turn 17 once, might as well live it up whilst I am > :D

Bonnie Tyler

On Tuesday, this Tuesday I was planning on doing something that would have, inevitably, changed my life. It wasn't like it was a 'bad' thing or anything... well that kind of depends on who you talk to about it. Really, it's just a matter of opinion. And well, I thought I was going to do it, and its been going on for about a year now. But, now Tuesday is when it'll all become even more different- like the next stage. I know what I wanted out of it when, i guess, the 'first stage' happened. But honestly, with Tuesday nearing, I know that this is not what I wanted- not what I first pictured would have happened. Instead I have a feeling that if i go through with it, I will look down on myself and regret it forever. I don't know why it took me so long to realise. I mean, okay yeah, deep down I knew what I was doing and it felt like the people who didn't know... were kind of telling me their opinions on the matter in such a way, when we weren't specifically even talking about it.. Anyways, it took about a year and a half for me to finally go out and not be afraid of losing that person. If they really were my friend like they say they are, they would understand. This type of thing, just isn't for me because yeah I'm the type of girl that believes in happily ever afters with a prince on his stallion coming to save you, or the other way around whatever. Obviously, I'm too patient a person. Waiting for something that just won't happen. And this afternoon at 3.50pm I was listening to Bonnie Tyler's song 'Total Eclipse of the Heart'and I sobbed. And then i thought back to the TV shows I watched in the previous days and they all somehow related to my situation, telling me what i already knew. I can't do Tuesday. Not anymore. I just hope, that we'll still be friends. But you know what, even if we aren't anymore I don't care. I have other friends too, and FAMILY. So I guess this is kind of like my 'goodbye' to one brief chapter, and 'hello' to hopefully how it was before. I want to be carefree again, and not worried etcera. It's tiring. And more importantly, I need to focus this year. Thank you Bonnie Tyler, and co. for FINALLY making me be less afraid.

:/

Okay, I totally understand why you can't take me to where I need to go. I comprehend. I understand. I get it. BUT since when did you not being able to go become synonymous with me not being able to go? Sorry, but that to me, right there, is nonsensical, especially considering the circumstances. In all honesty, if that third option was not open, I would have unlocked the stubborn within in me, because the way you just flicked my comment of me going by myself was completely off-putting, imo. And if I didn't need to go, then fine this blog post probably wouldn't have happened. But OBVIOUSLY, if I'm asking, and finding those alternative routes I must NEED IT TODAY. I don't just speak for the heck of it you know. Whatever, in the end i'm going to turn into the person I carve myself out to be- because as one famous person stated : from the moment that umbilical cord is cut, we all become individuals." At least I can take comfort in the fact that individualism does correlate with a sense of independence. * Note: I get your perspective of the matter. In fact, I may be blowing this 'out of proportion', but I think you don't realise how small actions may resonate differently with me. Mainly because I have preconceived conceptions of how you still view me, as well as how I, at my current age, would like myself to be perceived. That's just my two cents worth.

-

Well after hearing some news today when i got home, I have to say I felt sick. I was eating something at the time, and by the end of the conversation, I lost my appetite. It was something that happened to my friend, and the thought of it happening, and that I wasn't there to 'help' (but gladly, another friend was)just makes me feel... i don't know bad and sick mixed together. I hope it doesnt happen again- to anybody.

Dear mum and dad

I LOVE YOU! You probably won't even see this blog, and you probably don't even know I have one... but now you can't ever say I don't 'love' you when i only sometimes act spoilt :) (a) LOVEYOULOVEYOULOVEYOULOVEYOULOVEYOULOVEYOULOVEYOU p.s. and what do you know dad, after saying it I didn't ask for anything! I'm 'growing' :')You guys are so proud of me :p Hahaha (Seriously, better be.) XOXOX! P.P.S love you too grandma :) and all those other people (you know who you are :p ) BTW, i am currently reading Dan Brown's : The Da Vinci Code. Just thought I'd put it out there.

The regret

Hm, I just wanted to put this out there and see how many people would either share my sentiments or 'PFFFFFT' at them. Do you ever feel kind of 'bad', or do you regret not going to school athletics carnivals and such, and just stay at home instead. Well I do, but I have a feeling that it's partly due to the fact that I'm in my final year of high school... Also, any tips from out there, in this blogosphere, of how to change ones style of writing... is there some sort of 'transitional' practice method that I can use? Please let me know, either by comment or email- I'd really appreciate it. Thanks, and have a lovely day~ Or a cruddy one, whichever you prefer :)